I found this in my drafts, written early January. I wrote quite a bit during that time, but never posted. This is easier to share now, knowing that 2013 did turn out to be our year. Goes to show God's timing...
Over
the years, I’ve had only one pregnancy.
They told me it probably wouldn’t last.
It didn’t. But I was a mom for a
few days.
I was a
mom for a few days again in November, in Las Vegas.
"Infant
in arms. If you’re traveling with a
small child, your boarding pass must indicate Infant in Arms." During my work travels, I’ve
heard that announcement so often.
Each time, I’d close my eyes and imagine the day they were talking to me,
the flight when I’d have an infant in arms.
That
November flight home from Vegas was maybe the worst of all of the terrible moments. The flight I had imagined so many times. But not like that. Not with empty arms. I cried the entire time. It was dark, thankfully.
Since
then there have been fewer tears. They
spring to the surface at random times.
But definitely fewer and farther between.
And now
it’s a new year.
For
me, since starting this journey, there’s something both sad and hopeful about a
new year.
Another
birthday. Another holiday season.
Without.
Yet
the feeling that this year will be our year. We’ve said that so
many times, always thinking, this has to be it.
Our adoption status is “active”
again. Back to waiting. Let’s see what 2013 brings.
